【雅思作文批改】跑题还能拿5分，TA是怎么做到的？

写雅思作文的时候一定不要出现跳跃式的思维，就算是自认为再明白不过的道理，也要一步一步解释清楚。

【雅思作文批改】跑题还能拿5分，TA是怎么做到的？

01、今天给大家看看这位同学的雅思作文，总体得分5分，句式比较灵活，这是最大的得分点，不过有跑题，所以提醒大家写的时候一定要看清楚题目，否则写得再好也会得不偿失。




作文题目:

Housing shortages in big cities can have severe consequences. only government action can solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

作文内容：


We can hear people complaining about the price of housing in big cities all over the world. It seems that real estate markets go mad and consumers have no way in this matter. As housing is a basic need, governments must get involved to curb the high price of housing and make sure the markets fair.

It is not difficult to understand that housing price going up without any control would cause a property-value bubble. When the bubble bursts and the prices fall violently, many people fall into the situation of financial crisis; social crisis is not far from then. Hence, the government hasve to control the housing price to prevent such thing from happening.

Also considering that there are many some people with low incomes in any city，i. It is too hard for them to buy expensive real estate when their salaries are not high. Of course, governments should be responsible for citizens' basic housing requirements and set reasonable limits on prices.

If governments do not act, the consequences could be severe. If the price continues increasing, the poor are forced to leave big cities ，and leaving[A1] e the rich live there lonely;[A2] it can not be imagined. All people deserve affordable housing.

Housing is a basic human right, like food and water, but if the government is absent, it will be a privilege only for the rich. As a result, governments should step in and place reasonable controls on the real estate market.


【A1】如果不变成非谓语形式，则此句缺主语，改后就变成结果状语
【A2】分号前后大致含义是一致的，此处it can not be imagined可以直接提前合并成一个句子，此处太啰嗦

总体评价：





针对问题最大的一点指出问题：

审题。注意题中的是是否只有政府能解决，而本文说的是政府该参与解决，这完全是两个立意。建议可以捎带其他的解决方案，然后否定他们，自圆其说。



附批改原图：







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